I have been reflecting a lot the past few days on 2012 and what it meant for me. I would say it was a year of highs and lows. A year of loss and heartache, but also a year of self-discovery and growth. The sadness of losing two babies is not something that goes away easily. I work on myself daily to not live in fear of losing another baby in the future. I know that I must believe and continue to hope for good things. However, in the midst of my messy storms this year, came the most sweet appreciation for the baby girl I do have right now. The older she gets the more she makes me laugh and think and just flat out feel joyful. She was my bright spot and my shining star to guide me through some of my darkest days. I have said numerous times that I will forever be grateful that I already had my little Lucy before I went through these losses. I would have lost all hope had it not been for her cheerful face each day.
There were some really great moments to this past year too. Pat and Lucy and I took a mini vacation just down to Indy for a long weekend and I still think about all the fun we had. Pat and I were even able to go away for a few long weekends just the two of us a few times as well. And while I always struggle leaving Lucy behind, I feel I am getting better about embracing the moment at hand and knowing that she is safe and loved where she is and that it is good for her to see that Mommy and Daddy have special time together.
I attended the Influence Conference this year as well which I think about daily. It was so out of my comfort zone, but I know God directed me there as he placed some wonderful and amazing women in my path during that trip. It was also the first trip away from home where I wasn't wracked with homesickness. Instead, I was able to fully enjoy and be present in each and every moment. I learned that trying new things can just be really incredible!
This past year also lead me to the start of a new adventure for me in Health Coaching. I am currently 9 weeks into the program at the Institute for Integrative Nutrition and am totally and completely loving it. It is certainly hard to balance a full-time job, being a mom and wife in addition to my classes, and I would be lying if I said I felt like I was devoting enough time to any and all of them. But, I am learning how to remain calm and find my center and not get too overwhelmed by all of it. I think that was one of the biggest surprises to come out of the program so far. In addition to the nutrition piece included in the program, they spend a significant amount of time looking at your lifestyle (stress, happiness, money, act) and how that can play into your health as well. It's so holistic and so healing and I just can't wait to start working with clients!
As I set my sights on all that 2013 has in store, I remind myself that I don't need to wait for a whole year to roll around before getting a fresh start. Each morning is a new chance to try again. Each day I can strive to do better. And each night I can remind myself that it's ok if I messed up somewhere along the way.
I pray that 2013 offers hope and peace and joy and love. I will strive to be kinder, bolder and more gracious with my actions. I hope to be adventurous and curious and to let go of fear. My prayer and vision for 2013 is for a happier and healthier life...and to never lose hope.
Wishing each and every one of you and incredible and wonderful Happy New Year!